I am consumed with a wave of grief today. They hit out of nowhere, even 5 months later. My weekend was good, and my Monday was looking mighty fine. And then I started to feel tired. No feeling in particular, just weary and unenthused. I always try to take my dog for a walk when this sensation hits, so I stepped out into the crisp blue-sky sunshine and then down came the tears. At first, I tried to contain myself, swallowed the painful lump in my throat and started making lists of things I could do to turn my day around. But I quickly realized the painful lump in my throat would not go away unless I LET IT OUT, not swallow it down. So I started walking. I felt the sun on my face and the snow under my feet and I let go. I let the loss of my old life wash over me. It feels like I'm being carried out to sea when these moments come. I walked and walked until the crying subsided, but the pain is not gone. Sadness is rolling through me so I'm going to let the feeling control me, instead of always being so controlled. I have heard that if I don't feel the feels, they don't dissolve, they stay lodged in our hearts, and I don't want that, so I will allow the sadness to stay... today.